His first topic. INFORMATION. You've heard it said, 'Information is power'...you've heard it said, 'Learn ALL you can'.....you've heard it said, 'Freedom of speech is one of the fundamental principles of our democracy'. Our president proclaims......FUGGGITABOUDIT! Don't you know information is now a distraction? It's a nasty form of entertainment. There's too much!! All information is not true (and we don't have the time or the sense to sort it out) and we must be careful not to ceaselessly pursue it. I'm an enthusiastic devotee of this new idea. Reading, studying, analyzing...it's distracting. It's time-consuming. It's lotsa trouble. I'm canceling my Twitter feeds....unfollowing everyone except @whitehouse. That way I won't have to wade through too much useless info and I'll be assured of absolute accuracy. Thanks, Mr. President....you've made my life immensely easier.
The next topic: Epantsipation. Some might say the President misspoke, but not me. No way he mangled the English language like our former President! Don't you know he was the editor of the Harvard Law review and taught at Harvard? No, this new term 'epantsipation' is provocatively brilliant. I suspect he read my blog (I'm so honored to be on the cutting edge of blogdom!!)....you know, the post about my '80's striped pants? Need reminding?
In writing about getting rid of these crazy slacks, I was really referring to epantsipation. Freeing myself from disgusting pants! This is a forward-looking sartorial concept....I'm going to practice more epantsipation in my closet right now! You go do it to....we'll both feel better! I'll wait......
The president has coined a new term and I want to follow his futuristic, linguistic lead. Here are some new words we are guaranteed to see in the future:
1. Elancipation: the ripping off or tearing of 'Live Strong' yellow plastic wristbands.
2. Edancipation: the refraining from or avoidance of all things 'fox trot'.
3. Efrancipation: freeing oneself from sexy, exploitative tabloid photos of power-couple Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni.
4. Eglancipation: the freedom to look intently or stare upon people embellished with an over-abundance of outlandish tattoos. Also includes staring upon those with lip, nipple, eyebrow and tongue piercings.
6. Eprancipation: freedom from monetary payments to view the equine species known as 'Lipizzaner'.