inappropriate test

Recently experienced the sickening moment when getting dressed for church; pulling on leggings to go under the killer-perfect jacket. Felt the sharp deflation as I spied those horrible words inside the waistband…‘Miley Cyrus’. 

My God…..are these ‘jeggings'?!

Time for a serious and fearless moral inventory.

Remember the last BLOG POST of my struggles with appropriate sartorial choices? Seems I haven’t learned my lesson.

Be kind, dear reader, as I demonstrate my past sins.

1976. Remember halter tops? This was a reversible number I purchased at TG &Y for about two bucks. When I tired of the blue side, I could reverse it to the red bandana-cloth side. Do I seem embarrassed that everyone behind me is dressed sort of normally and I stand out as a skank? naaaawwwww. This top was a fave of the Texan.

One word about articles of clothing monogrammed with your entire name. Don't.

Rocking the vertical stripes to  hide  Sprout #3.  I sorta look like a referee. Wait.....that IS a referee shirt!

Roller blades are not the best option for footwear when wearing a kelly-green dress.

Loving the Easter photo of the fam. Even loving the purple sheath with neutral flats. Not loving the pregnant-looking tummy. Must've been in days before Spanx. Painful.

Rodney and the Texan-looking sharp! Me....I think I fell off the pumpkin truck. This shirt is exactly what a migraine-aura looks like. A classic example of horizontal stripes being a fashion 'no'.

****breathing again**** I warned you my inventory would be fearless.

You know Jeff Foxworthy and his bit ‘You might be a redneck IF….?’ I've developed a clothing self-test just for you. It just might save you from the ‘Don’t section of Glamour magazine.

                            You might be dressing age-inappropriately  IF……..

1.  You own a pair of thigh-high leather boots.
2.  You apply leg-makeup to cover the varicose veins when wearing shorts.
3.  You don three layers of neck-to-knee spanx to snug into your favorite dress.
4.  You own a pair of coral-colored denim capri pants.
5.  You own anything Jimmy Choo.
6.  You think the latest OPI neon-green nail polish is ‘cool’.
7.  You wear leggings as pants. (you know who you are!)
8.  You wear any type of two-piece bathing suit.
9.  You own a pair of animal-print hose.
10.You have clothing with the labels Miley Cyrus, BCBG, Bisou-Bisou, Stella McCartney or Hello, Kitty.
11.You see a photo of yourself from behind. Your only thought is you wish you'd been wearing your ‘back-smoothing’ bra.

Only trying to save you from yourselves. Don't be like me. Do you have some other tips to add to my list? Tell me, I’m listening.

White-lipstick love to all.

new beginnings

Eaten my last bowl of left-over black-eyed peas and ham. Cleaned the fridge of the scraps of  pumpkin roll with cream cheese. The remnants of Christmas are tucked away in the dark recesses of the attic. The Texan has taken down the festive lights on our house.

2013 is really here, ready or not.

Went to a funeral of a dear friend in early December. The service was gorgeous and the children of the deceased spoke glowingly of their father with intimate stories of his character. The next day over lunch, as we were re-hashing the funeral details, the Sprouts threatened they would have lots of colorful stories to tell about me after I'm gone.

Don't talk about me! Just keep it about Jesus, OK? 

The Sprouts took particular relish in telling my in-laws of my many 'phases'. (I like to think of it as life-long learning). They related to the giggling in-laws of a phase we dubbed the 'cleavage phase'. Seems I permanently scarred my middle sprout (while she was dating her husband-to-be) with my sartorial choices of frequent plunging necklines. It bothered her so much, she mustered the courage to ask about it one day.

Mom, what's with the low-cut necklines?

Really? Are they THAT revealing?? 

Yes, Mom! Last night my date said, 'Did you check out your Mom's shirt?'

I was taught to dress to my strengths. I'm staring at the big 5-0. I don't have many strengths left!

But, Mom....

I followed with an instructive recitation of being comfortable in one's skin, the difficulties of aging, fashion for the mature woman, and learning to live with an interesting mother. She's a good girl and she loved me through the embarrassing phase. Don't get her started by asking about the DONUT QUEST insanity, please!

An out-take of our xmas card pic 2005. You be the judge.

You, fellow chicken-winger, will be pleased to know I've outgrown my 'cleavage-phase'. Pants, long-sleeved shirts, high necklines, closed-toe shoes, and derriere-covering jackets are my wardrobe choices these days. ****sigh**** Can the moo-moo and velour jogging suit phase be far behind?

I guess the only strength I have left these days is.......... my hair? It gets more and more asymmetrical (tell everyone my hairdresser was drunk when he cut it) and brighter and brighter red as I age. I'm positive I'm too old for this hair-do.  I've informed the Sprouts and the Texan the red hair is NEVER going. They better learn to live with it. Can't see myself with a long gray braid down my back.

Have you made any resolutions for 2013?

Been thinking about some things I'd like to accomplish this year. I'm not brave enough to voice all of my resolutions, but I will tell you I'm gonna try and spiff up the blog a bit. I enjoy being here and it needs to reflect more of what we are about. I have some fun ideas coming up for the new year. Stay tuned.

The message at church moved me this morning. Such a wonderful sermon for a new year. This was the Scripture:

"I'm not saying I've got it all together; that I have it made. But, I'm well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong:  by no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision-you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it."
Philippians 3:12-16

I'd like to grow spiritually. Make 2013 a year I become a little more like Him.

I hope you reach your goals this year....and you have someone to love you through your poor, inappropriate clothing choices.

Plunging love to all.

P.S.

The Texan just reminded me of someone's birthday today. #7!

I didn't think she realized it was her birthday, but I should've know better.

The wiener asked if we would take her to THE BIG TEXAN for her birthday. She wants to wrap her canine teeth around the free 72 ounce steak. Help.