inappropriate test

Recently experienced the sickening moment when getting dressed for church; pulling on leggings to go under the killer-perfect jacket. Felt the sharp deflation as I spied those horrible words inside the waistband…‘Miley Cyrus’. 

My God…..are these ‘jeggings'?!

Time for a serious and fearless moral inventory.

Remember the last BLOG POST of my struggles with appropriate sartorial choices? Seems I haven’t learned my lesson.

Be kind, dear reader, as I demonstrate my past sins.

1976. Remember halter tops? This was a reversible number I purchased at TG &Y for about two bucks. When I tired of the blue side, I could reverse it to the red bandana-cloth side. Do I seem embarrassed that everyone behind me is dressed sort of normally and I stand out as a skank? naaaawwwww. This top was a fave of the Texan.

One word about articles of clothing monogrammed with your entire name. Don't.

Rocking the vertical stripes to  hide  Sprout #3.  I sorta look like a referee. Wait.....that IS a referee shirt!

Roller blades are not the best option for footwear when wearing a kelly-green dress.

Loving the Easter photo of the fam. Even loving the purple sheath with neutral flats. Not loving the pregnant-looking tummy. Must've been in days before Spanx. Painful.

Rodney and the Texan-looking sharp! Me....I think I fell off the pumpkin truck. This shirt is exactly what a migraine-aura looks like. A classic example of horizontal stripes being a fashion 'no'.

****breathing again**** I warned you my inventory would be fearless.

You know Jeff Foxworthy and his bit ‘You might be a redneck IF….?’ I've developed a clothing self-test just for you. It just might save you from the ‘Don’t section of Glamour magazine.

                            You might be dressing age-inappropriately  IF……..

1.  You own a pair of thigh-high leather boots.
2.  You apply leg-makeup to cover the varicose veins when wearing shorts.
3.  You don three layers of neck-to-knee spanx to snug into your favorite dress.
4.  You own a pair of coral-colored denim capri pants.
5.  You own anything Jimmy Choo.
6.  You think the latest OPI neon-green nail polish is ‘cool’.
7.  You wear leggings as pants. (you know who you are!)
8.  You wear any type of two-piece bathing suit.
9.  You own a pair of animal-print hose.
10.You have clothing with the labels Miley Cyrus, BCBG, Bisou-Bisou, Stella McCartney or Hello, Kitty.
11.You see a photo of yourself from behind. Your only thought is you wish you'd been wearing your ‘back-smoothing’ bra.

Only trying to save you from yourselves. Don't be like me. Do you have some other tips to add to my list? Tell me, I’m listening.

White-lipstick love to all.