liquid diet weekend

If you recognize the following product,

You are:
1) over 50
2) a gastroenterologist
3) suffer from irritable bowel syndrome
4) a sado-masochist

Well....hel-lo moviprep sexy voice (sounds like what one does before attending the local theatre)....you and I will be on an intimate 'first-name' basis this Sunday evening.  Probably whisper sweet nothings deep into the night.  Possibly our relationship will blossom into the wee hours of the a.m.  Don't you be thinkin' bout sleepin'......

A friend told me to put a small t.v, a towel, some lanolin wipes, a blanket, and a pillow in my pottical area.  Plan on spending a A LOT of time there.  A scented candle sounds like a good idea....no?  Vodka, too?

I thought I might write about the experience, but I could never top Dave Barry's description of this procedure.  If I think of anything original, readers of On a Chicken Wing... will be the first to know.  Lucky you!

Worried?  Not too much.  I'm going to have the upper area scoped, as well.  Just want to be sure they disinfect that scope before sliding it down my gullet.  I KNOW where it's been.  I'm a clean freak like that.  I'll be sure and mention it to Dr. L.  Bet he's heard that line before?

Wish me luck.  I'm sure to be at least 5 pounds lighter....yay!

Roxy-Doxy update:  The wiener is recovering from her hernia repair/teeth cleaning.  The vet wants me to brush her teeth.  How does one brush a wiener dog's teeth, exactly?  OK, OK I'll try.... as long as I don't have to floss for her.
She's been in some pain and I've given her the prescribed pain meds.  Made her loopy as hell.  She wants to watch Greta Van Susteren constantly and she pulls up the Greta blog on the computer.  She was in a chat room discussing the Florida preacher burning the Koran.  After chatting for at least 2 hours she turned to me and asked, 'Who is Core-ann?'  See....see what life is like with this petulant, opinionated sausage-dog?
Here she was taking her Red Cross Lifeguard Test on our recent trip to the mountains.

She wants to work at the Country Club pool next summer.

Have a fantastic weekend.  Eat up!  Indulge in lots of tasty solid food in my honor.  Go ahead...you have my permission.  Love to all.

cure for the on-wees

The jet boat of summer has motored off the lake.  All that remains is a broad wake of ennui.  That's on-wee for you non-French readers.  Listlessness, languor, tedium.
I can't help it.  I have it.  Ingredients beyond my control are being poured into my on-wee cocktail.  Some things I won't talk about.  Others are pretty typical for ladies of a certain age.  Can you spell h-o-t-f-l-a-s-h-e-s or c-o-l-o-n-o-s-c-o-p-y?  Serenity prayer 911!  Where's my life jacket?

Know what's a good antidote for the on-wees?  Jumping.  You heard me....jumping!  When the on-wees are dragging you down, look up.

Yes, I know my stomach is showing.  I have a stomach and it hangs out sometimes...deal with it.  Try to see my joy, people.

Better yet, jump with someone else.  With the Texan.  On a big rock in the sky!

Watch your Sprout jump.

Watch your Sprout-in-law nimbly click his heels.

And the numero uno, the number 1 all-time best cure for the on-wees is.....

Roxy-Doxy on a rock.  Does it for me.
I may be simple, but I've got my tried-and-true cures for the on-wees.

Note:  Even though she's just a wiener with questionable political affiliations, who doesn't enjoy Olympic curling, and who has a suspect method of selecting her NCAA b-ball tournament bracket, the Texan and I love her.  She's having surgery for a hernia tomorrow.  I know all will be fine.....but she's our baby.
Of course.....I'll let you know how she does.  Thanks for caring.
May you be blessed.  Jumping love to all this week.

the end

In honor of the official last week of summer, I am; scaling the highest mountain of potato salad, cranking homemade ice cream til my bulging bicep drops off, cramming my teeth-gaps with buttered corn on the cob, and piling the stinkiest sauerkraut on a giant juicy brat.  Go ahead Texan, and fire up the Margarator!  ***come to Mama, Tums***

Since summer is fading, let's sing Kumbayah around the campfire and remember all the special moments we shared this summer.  You with me?  Kum-ba-yah my lord, kum-ba-yah, kum.................

Summer unveiled in glorious pinkness and a wickedly nasty rash appeared in:  suffering for my art.  Ah, the early days of summer and the anticipation of fresh tomatoes!  Those were the days when yard work was fun-before the disease known as 'tomato wilt'.

Summer isn't complete without several jaunts to the crisp, cool mountains of Colorado.  You hiked with fishing-dog, jumping-dog, and rolling-in-poop-dog around the serene lakes in:   a mountain walk-the dog's eye view.

Still in the mountains, events took a dark and sinister turn in:  mountain mysteries. 

Your hair-do suffered as you braved the heat and humidity of South Carolina where we visited a swamp and ate fried green tomatoes in:  ah do duh-cla-yuh!! swamp things!

In July, we worried over Roxy-Doxy and her sudden penchant for guns and gambling in:  american pawtriot

You went for a swim with the Doxy in August.  We learned what a wiener dog in a life vest has to do with the Serenity Prayer.  Huh?  All this and a sickeningly frightful cat video in:  don the life vest.

You endured my INSUFFERABLE puns in:  new dog breeds.  Please accept my deepest apologies.  No one should screw around with the Shih Tzu breed that much.    Friends?

There's more...but those are some of my favorite moments with you in Summer 2010.   Here's counting on our adventures continuing through the rest of the year.

Thanks for being a part of Summer 2010 at On a Chicken Wing and a Prayer.  Wishing you and yours a fantastic Labor Day weekend.  Please stay tuned for our Fall adventures..
Labor Day love to all.

up before dawn

Yeah, you heard me...up before dawn a while back to help with gathering cattle.  To verify the 'before dawn' part I took my camera along for photographic proof.

Seems the Texan and I are such incredibly talented cattle drivers with super-Ninja advanced horsemanship skills we were asked to.......we were asked to.......drive the feed truck and honk the horn.  For the uninitiated, driving the feed truck and honking the horn is seriously critical work.  The cattle have been fed from the truck for weeks leading up to shipping day.  When they see that truck at daybreak and hear the horn, they come a'runnin'.  The cowboys hardly have to do anything!

The Texan and I jump when the Big Sprout (our #1) allows asks us to help with any ranch task.  It gives us opportunity to highlight our mad feed-truck drivin', horn a'honkin' skillz.  See how the cattle magically follow us??  Just call us St. Francis of Assissi.

The Texan is checking out the cattle in the pens.  I told him this photo made him look too skinny.  Why do some folks lose their butts as they age? 

In the pens, there was cow counting and sorting going on.  The Big Sprout's reliable wife helped get the cattle through the chute and up the ramp into the cattle truck.

The Big Sprout was opening and closing gates, shouting instructions and getting a head count at the same time.

Here's the Texan and the Big Sprout discussing the numbers.....weights, shipping, and trucks.

Father and son....nice, isn't it? I am blessed. A beautiful morning. Thanks for sharing it with me.

busted!

Hardcore readers of Chicken Wing will remember my most disturbing post:  the saga of the offending hairball.  This event scarred me.  I've had reoccurring hot flashes and tinnitis ever since the hairball incident.  Sent me running for my allergy medicine.  For the ring worm medicine.  For the flea exterminator.  It turned Roxy-Doxy into a Glenn Beck fan-that's how scarring it was!!!

Because of this story, many of my readers have inquired if I was in the U.K. recently.  Was I the sought-after lady villian who threw the sweet kitty in the trash?  See the indefensible deed for yourself.
Warning:  not for real kitty lovers...you may find yourself wanting to throw the bag lady in the trash can-feel free to launch rotten tomatoes at your computer screen.

http://www.tmz.com/2010/08/23/woman-cat-garbage-can-video/

Look closely.  Is it moi?  Has my mistrust of felines driven me to a life of dastardly refuse-can crime on another continent?

a pawtriot reminder

Roxy Doxy has been peppering me with questions today.....'Have you heard the I Have a Dream speech?', 'Were you alive in 1963...do you remember it?', 'Did you realize tomorrow is the 47th anniversary of the speech at the Lincoln Memorial?', 'What's a Lincoln Memorial and have you ever been there?..are dappled dachshunds welcome?'  whew!


Doxy's right-wing radio shows have been talking about some of the events taking place in Washington tomorrow.  She sat up and begged for the cash to fly there-I told her she had to work to make her own money.  She called some of her tea-party buddies, but their bus was all full.  I admire her foray into American history, but her politics lately are.....suspect.

I explained to the wiener I was indeed alive in 1963.  My little red-headed, freckled-face self was 7 years old.  Picture a female Opie and you'd be pretty close.

I remember the middle Sprout coming home from 3rd grade asking me if I knew about the Dream speech.  (most 3rd graders aren't asking their parents questions like this...I realize....you'd just have to know the middle Sprout!)  We promptly opened up the encylopedia (days before youtube) and read the entire speech.  During her college years, we made our sojourn to the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.  Gazed at that reflecting pool and pictured the entire scene.  One of my life's highlights.

Anyhoo, the pawtriot wiener dog asked me to put up this video of the Dream speech.  She thinks we should all re-listen to it.  Or re-read it.  She's interested in the content of character quote....she doesn't take kindly to being judged solely on her breeding.  I can't blame her.

Keep dreaming and have an inspired weekend!

me, myself & I monday

Every self-respecting photographer has a kick-ass self portrait.  Have you looked at some of the self portraits on Flickr?  They are amazing and inspiring.  Mine.....not so much.  Baby steps with the camera, baby steps with the camera, baby steps with life in general......baby steps trying to move forward. 

For your Monday viewing pleasure, dear reader-friend, I present my first attempt at self portraiture.

What did I learn other than taking self portraits is harder than eating saltines and whistling?  Does the word self portrait require an ' - '??  Tell me, English majors.  The mirror is NOT my friend (I'm covering you with newspaper, Mr. Mirror!) and printing photos in black and white and 'blowing them out' a little takes away wrinkles.  Oh, and I could use an eye lift.

I'm having an inspiration about a project.  Maybe I'll get the nerve to share with you soon.

Look in the mirror and accept the love.  Have a fine week.  Thanks for stopping by.